Can I be fixed?

When I was very young, I remember being dropped off at a therapist's office. There, I would tell her about my life at school and everything that was going on at home. I realize, now, that instead of talking more to my dear mother about my life and searching for those little nuggets of wisdom on entering womanhood, I was under analysis as if I were a "problem" that needed fixing. My mom is a very special lady. I love her dearly. My whole family was convinced that we needed "experts" on these situations. Life is not something to be "fixed." What if we are never "fixed?" What if we are given the challenges and struggles in this broken world and they never go away on this side of heaven? I need the gift of Faith to empower me to live out this life that God has willed for me to live. It may not get better now, but I long for the day that I enter into my eternal rest with Him. Every tear will be wiped away and I will not know of this pain anymore. All things will be made right. I must search for the Truth like it is hidden treasure! The Truth heals. For now, I will not give up.

My Story

 My Story


*this entry has been moved to a new blog. Please follow the link below to view. **Warning- very graphic content! May not be suitable for some...

Confessing Abuse -My story of abuse

Rubber meets the road

I have no idea which way to go. I have never been here before. I don't have a clear road map. Christ is my light...His light points me in the direction to go. I have a feeling that wherever I am to go next is looking very dark right now. I have no desire to walk in this direction. In fact, it is so dark there that I probably don't even know this place exists. Be still and know....ok....He will shed light on the next step I am to take. He will give me a burning desire to move....this is where the rubber meets the road. Until then...Be still and know...

What was I thinking?

What do we do when the storm is so great and all we have is tossed to and fro? Where do we turn?

As the waves crash over my life my mind tells me to panic. But the Spirit says, “Be still and know that I am God.” My life has been very hard. My sin has almost destroyed me. I see how I have been lost – hopelessly lost.  I certainly do not think I know my way, now. One thing I do know is that I don’t know! My sweet Shepherd loves me enough to carry me. He is the Way!

I am often frustrated because He is guiding me through adversity and I want to “kick against the goads.” How much pain do I bring on myself because I kick and scream against the spiky rods that are only there to protect me from the ravenous wolves that are all around.

How could I have been so blind? What was I thinking? My sin was beating me up and I had grown callous. I had become so bitter and hardened because of pain that had consumed me. I was unable to see that I was my own enemy. I was an enemy of God.